This Month in Rabbit Run Cottage...

Spring Has Sprung
And, what an exciting time it is!  This is such a busy and energetic time in our Rabbit Run Classroom.  We are working hard to prepare and maintain the garden, thanks to Gitana’s patience and guidance.  The children are caring for their own plants that they brought last month, and they are looking great.  Also, we are learning a ton about insects and flowers.   It’s a great thing to watch as a 6 year old and a 3 year old have an in depth discussion about the 3 body parts of a butterfly...the head, the thorax and the abdomen.  I know you already knew that, but just to make sure. (wink)  Last week, I actually watched the children perform insect CPR on a caterpillar that they found out side.  No kidding!  We thought it was dead, they brought it inside, put it in a dish and blew on it.  The poor guy started moving and they set it free.  Small miracles every day.

Lately, the idea of Social Injustices has been on my mind.  Nothing heavy, just the inner workings and the dynamics of the classroom and how I can do my best to explain to you all, as parents, just how our environment works.  We talk so much about lessons this, and reading that….but often I go home wondering if I do enough to prepare you all for the end of day meltdowns that happen or the “JohnDoe was mean to me today, “  or even “No one likes me”.  It can be heartbreaking to hear.  Trust me, I get it.  I get this feeling that some may hear this and in your mind you are  imagining an 80’s playground situation where the entire class is standing around your little one while they all point and laugh, as we as the adults sit back and say, “They’ll figure it out”.  We hear our little one’s story, see them hurting and we are ready to hunt that kid down and talk to their mother.  What really is taking place, though, is an awkward exchange in which 2 children are standing across from each other, and one of them says, “I don’t like you”.   The other shuffles their feet awkwardly and says, “I don’t want to play with you.” Kelly and I are standing by, whispering to them what they need to say to each other, lessons are learned, and they are playing 5 minutes later.  

Still, when they get home, in the comfort of your arms, they want to talk about it.  Their perception of the day’s events are important and they deserve to be heard.  It should also be mentioned that these are feelings and situations that we face everyday.  Someone gets in front of you in the turning lane or maybe problems with a co worker, or any of the other day to day communications, or lack-there-of, that take place during daily social interactions.  What is usually lost on us, as adults, is that the children have not developed the necessary verbal communication skills to solve these problems in the Politically Correct way.  They have, in fact, only been on this earth for 3-5 years.  I have trouble, at times, communicating what I need and I am 37!  

Have no fear, parents.  I am here. (Imagine a cape with a Cedar Tree on it and me swinging in from the tire swing….Or don’t)  Actually, Matt Hills is here and he has written a beautiful article on how we can support our children through this phase.  The article is written from an elementary teacher’s perspective, but the ideas are valid and the recommendations are spot on!  It should also be noted that the use of the word “mean” in the title is not a term that is used at Cedars Montessori, but I believe the author is using it as a way of relating your child’s feelings of what is happening to them, to the words that we as adults may label it.  In fact early on in the article the author explains the misuse of the word by saying, “But, what does “mean” mean to an elementary age child? Typically, it means “I interacted with someone and it made me feel bad.”  In our class we say, “Say what is real”.  Meaning, Jessica is not “mean” for taking your blue crayon, she is just in need of blue, and is not asking before she uses it.  
Would love feedback or questions about the article!  Enjoy-
                    Jessica and Kelly

8 Ways To Help Your Child Deal With “Mean” Kids
    By Matt Hills
“Ben is being mean to me!!”
“I don’t like Allie. She’s SO mean!”
Surprisingly, complaints like this are common in my Lower Elementary Montessori classroom. And, I’m guessing that, at one time or another, you have heard something similar from your own child.
It’s heartbreaking to see our children upset. And, while it’s important that we listen to our children, take their concerns seriously and be the best advocate for them that we can, it is also important to take their development into consideration when deciding what action to take.
Often, when we ask our child what happened, we may not get much of an explanation. We might get, “Well, Katie is just so mean!” Your child might add that he or she was pushed or yelled at – but often you’ll only hear that a certain someone is “ALWAYS mean to me!”
But, what does “mean” mean to an elementary age child? Typically, it means “I interacted with someone and it made me feel bad.” This is often light-years away from abuse, yet can feel just as upsetting to your child — especially as she or he is learning to navigate the world of social interaction.
But, what does “mean” mean to an elementary age child? Typically, it means “I interacted with someone and it made me feel bad.” This is often light-years away from abuse, yet can feel just as upsetting to your child — especially as she or he is learning to navigate the world of social interaction.
Here are just a few things I’ve heard in the classroom illustrating situations that the overpowered child might label as meanness:
“If you don’t work with me, then I’ll never be your friend again.”
“You can work with me, but you have to sit over there and can only use the blue pencil.”
“I keep asking Ben a question and he keeps ignoring me!”
“They are being mean because they don’t want to play the game I want to play.”
“We wanted them to chase us, but now we don’t want them to and they won’t stop.”
Although these interactions may seem mild to an adult, to a six year old, they can be devastating. What is the best strategy, then, to help your child through this crucial phase of social development? When you get a complaint about meanness, don’t be alarmed. Chances are, the event was less earth-shattering than it sounds. It may also have already been worked through during the school day and your child simply wants to process it with you.
Social interaction is a regular feature of the Montessori classroom, so these social encounters are everyday occurrences. To us, they are not inconveniences, but natural and helpful opportunities to learn about the use (and abuse) of power and desire. The children learn to not just navigate these situations, but to analyze and diffuse them. This takes time and patience on the part of the teacher, but we see it as a life skill as important to your child’s success as math or reading.

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